


Rope and Moonlight

by alphabean



Category: The Cancer Crew, Video Blogging RPF, idubbbz - Fandom
Genre: M/M, honestly i don't know any of these people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9965447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabean/pseuds/alphabean
Summary: Can good things happen to cancerous people?tw: suicide





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my good friend stephanie who wishes she could be here](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+good+friend+stephanie+who+wishes+she+could+be+here).



Ian was eating Ben and Jerry’s and watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. He’d never thought that he’d ever end up in a situation like this. Eating his feelings, which it’s hard to believe he eats, let alone has feelings, and watching a show about a superficial family ironically. He hated what he was doing, but he hated thinking of what led him here even more.  
It all began when George asked him for a blowjob.  
“Is this for a video?” Ian asked, skeptically. People have pushed the boundaries of the YouTube policy before, but he wasn’t quite sure if a video in which he actually got head would not be deleted. It’d be a scandal for sure. Ian could be down for it, but he wasn’t sure.  
But then George assured him that it wasn’t for a video. In fact, it was imperative that no one know about it. George just wanted someone to suck him. It was just a bro-on-bro favor. Well, one favor turned to two. And two turned to five. And it slowly became a reoccurring “favor” each night. Ian felt guilty. Not for liking it, which he was surprised he did, but because he thought of someone else each night. He didn’t want to lead George on. He knew that they weren’t meant to be together romantically, that he truly belonged to be with someone else.  
Ian regrets never voicing his doubts to George earlier. For two guys whose whole living is to be a joke and feel nothing, their relationship with each other was one of the realest things in each of their lives. Swept up in what they had, Ian played his involvement down. Maybe George just really liked his dick and it wasn’t about Ian, personally, at all.  
That’s when George asked them to take their relationship to the next level. Not making it public, lord knows that the fangirl aren’t ready to stop stalking them as single men and begin fetishizing their male/male relationship yet. Ian should have said no. He wished he said no.  
If only he had told George the truth then, that he was in love with Max.  
No, Ian was too afraid of being alone again. He agreed with George, he wanted to make things serious. Meanwhile, Max had no idea that Ian loved him. Max didn’t know of his relationship with George. Max was left in the dark. And Ian had convinced himself that it was better this way, but he never managed to convince himself that he didn’t like Max in that way.  
It got really bad when George caught Ian sleep-scrapbooking. George had known that Ian had a problem with sleepwalking, often finding him in random places the next morning when Ian had not remembered how he got there. He didn’t know that Ian had a subconscious hobby. Often times when he was sleepwalking, he was scrapbooking while being completely asleep.  
What George saw shocked him. The scrapbook was completely filled with Max. It was one of the most beautiful odes to any one person he’s ever seen. Artfully crafted. If Ian had created one for him, George would definitely have been brought to tears.  
George’s first instinct was to confront Ian about it. Was their relationship a lie? Was Ian just using him? But if George asked him directly, he would risk losing Ian. And even if Ian did not love George, George did not what he would do without Ian in his life. So he swallowed his questions and did what he thought would save their relationship before Ian left him.  
That night, Ian got a very angry phone call from Max. George had told him everything and even showed him the scrapbook Ian doesn’t even remember crafting. Max felt lied to, betrayed to, and he couldn’t believe that Ian was gay for him.  
“You said no homo, though! All this time, you had me believe that you were completely heterosexual and you’ve been sucking George’s dick the entire time! And if that wasn’t the worst part, you don’t even like him! You’ve been lying to all of us. Your cancer is truly beginning to make you cancerous.”  
Ian lost Max. It was over. He called George and yelled at him. To spare his own heart, George cut it off with Ian. He couldn’t stand being number two in Ian’s life. He couldn’t stand the lies.  
And so Ian found himself alone, eating Ben n Jerrys in front of Keeping up with the Kardashians. It was midnight. It was too early to sleep and he felt the sensation, but the lull of Kylie’s voice sent him into a nightmare.  
It was one of the best moments of Ian’s life—the Tana Mongeau show in San Francisco. He bought a VIP ticket. He was decked out in her merchandise. He was prepared to make a content cop about her and after assessing that she was a viable candidate, he had to take the first step and provoke her. She was so predictable. He stood in line to meet her and when it was finally his turn he walked up to her, put a firm arm around her shoulder and looked wildly into the camera “Say--”  
“Hey,” Tana said, suddenly interjecting him. He looked at her, a wide grin still plastered onto his face because he didn’t know how to react. “That isn’t funny.”  
She wasn’t freaked out. She wasn’t laughing. She was bored. He looked across to his friend he brought along with him, filming the entire encounter. Maybe they could get a good laugh out of how fast he was shut down. She wasn’t smiling. “That isn’t funny,” she mouthed to him.  
“That isn’t funny,” someone in line said.  
“That isn’t funny,” one of Tana’s security said.  
Suddenly they were all chanting, “That isn’t funny. You’re not funny.”  
Ian woke up in cold sweat. But he was not in his bed. He was in his closet. He was sleep scrap booking again. He looks down to see a book, its pages filed with Max’s face.  
Max.  
Ian had believed George when he said that Ian scrapbooks in his sleep, but Ian had never seen the product for himself. In fact, he had no idea where his subconscious hid them. But in the midst of his closet, he could easily see where his unconscious self had crammed all the crafting supplies and scrapbooks. Books. There were five of them, not including the one he was currently working in and the one that George had found and kept.  
Ian hastily flipped through the book, trying to find something to hold on to. He didn’t have George. He didn’t have Max. And he didn’t know if he could go back to a life before this where nothing affected him and everything he said was subject of a joke. And what will happen when this gets leaked to the public. How the tables have turned. He can imagine all the content cop parodies gutting his private life instead of his actual video content, if by then his content is still actually good. “You’re not funny.” still echoes in his head.  
At this point, trying the noose felt like second nature. He’d already done it as a joke so many times. The rope was already in his closet. Ian didn’t bother turning on any lights as he walked to his kitchen. He found himself whistling as he tied the rope to the ceiling fixture. He stood on a chair, put his head through the noose, and didn’t hesitate pushing the chair away from under his feet.  
And that is how iDubbbz died. Bathed in moonlight and accompanied with a rope.

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know me, hey, my name is Bean and I hate fan fiction. I'm here writing a fan fiction because I like making fun of tropes and also these are really funny for my friends to read and me to write so why not. All of my fan fictions are satirical and in one way or another making fun of a trope. By no way am I saying suicide should be something joked about, but I am saying that everyone thinks an easy way to make things sad and tug on some heartstrings is to have some sort of suicide and it's such a ~hot~ thing to cash in on right now and I just thought I'd show how ridiculous that notion is by entering it in a context where it would make no sense. Aight ok so Bean out, I hope you had a good laugh. Also if there are a lot of issues I just want to point out that I didn't really proofread it. I just wrote it and decided that I never wanted to read it again haha ok bye.
> 
> PS. i don't watch any of these guys i kind of just wrote this to make my friend suffer after we used http://herosmellslike.com/ to mess around and iDubbbz came up with "rope and moonlight" and I felt inspired


End file.
